Lisa P Writes

My mother mentioned that my ex-boyfriend from high school, Doug, had a surprise birthday party planned for him the next weekend. Doug had been my first love. We dated for two years, until we graduated high school and moved off to college. He picked a college a couple states away that specialized in engineering. I chose a nearby state school because it was cheaper and I didn’t know what I wanted to study. Our relationship basically ended when we parted ways to college. We said things like, “I’ll love you forever” and “One day we’ll be together.” But we shifted our focus and grew apart.

We saw each other throughout college only on breaks from school. Both of us dated others and then I moved to the west coast after graduation with a couple of my girlfriends to seek adventure. Doug moved home and worked for his father’s engineering firm. My mother constantly monitored his movements and kept me up on his life. My parents and his parents frequented the same social circle. Then one day she told me he had gotten engaged. My momentary sock in the stomach passed, not that I wanted him. I was supposed to get married first . . .

The most recent news came cheerfully my way only a month ago. “Doug is getting divorced,” she chirped. She told me that we were meant to be together and this was my opportunity to finally settle down. My thoughts went back to that previous Christmas when he cornered me near the bathroom of the local brewery. He confessed that he and his wife were having problems and then kissed me hard on the lips. I took it in at first to perk my spirits of my recent lost love, then pushed him away. I left the brewery without saying goodbye that night.

“He has three kids. I’m not crazy about becoming an instant mom,” I explained to my mom. But that wasn’t the half of it. We took completely different paths in life and I felt there was even more to experience. He seemed the steady, safe husband who could potentially slow my growth. I needed an adventurer like my Mike. We had traveled together all the time, sharing new cultures, languages and challenges.

“Yes, but this may be your only chance to experience motherhood,” she advised. In a way, she was right. I couldn’t believe that I had gotten this far in life and hadn’t had kids, yet. Of all the uncertainties in my life, the one thing I knew for sure was that I wanted a family. I tasted it with . Our relationship took the right path only to veer off when my attention wasn’t on the road. I had just completed graduate school. Maybe it was time to move home now.

I promised my mother that I’d be home for Doug’s surprise birthday party. She could hardly contain her excitement. It was as if, after all these years, she had taken my life back into her hands. I found myself too tired to fight anymore. I trusted her judgment more than my own for the moment. Everything I had planned in my life had fallen off course. I needed to find happiness.

More people put down their books and pulled their headphones out of their ears to spy on the weird guy with the newspapers on the train. In a matter of minutes he created a paper pirate hat. With a grin on his face he handed the hat to the young serious girl in the seat next to the pile of newspapers. He motioned for her to put it on her head. Her face tightened up and her eyes widened like he had insulted her. She waved her hands over each other in front of her chest motioning, no way.

He turned to a man in jeans and tennis shoes sitting in the next row of seats and offered the hat, once again motioning to put it on his head. The man smiled, took the hat and put it on the few white wisps on his head. The people who pretended not to stare were now staring forthright at the man with the paper pirate hat on his head. The pirate hat maker grabbed more sheets of newspaper and whipped up another hat with the same precise movements as the first.

At this point, the girl in the flouncy skirt with the hoop earrings nearly grabbed the new hat out of his hands. He chuckled and put it on her head. Her wide mouth opened up giggling as she touched the hat on her head. I realized that my jaw was hanging open so I quickly closed my mouth and glanced around. Even if I tried, I wouldn’t have been able to take my eyes off the impromptu performance.

The pirate hat maker went to work once again and offered the hat to the man in the dark suit. The man tightened the grip on his expensive briefcase and mouthed “No thank you”. The train car sat in silence except for the rhythmic rocking on the tracks and the frequent messages over the intercom announcing the stops. As new people boarded the train, they stopped to watch the show and even groups of people would stop talking to see what was going on.

I was offered the hat declined by the suit guy. My smile spread over my whole face and my eyes lit up as I took the hat from the man. He winked at me and went back to work on more sheets of newspaper. This continued the whole ride. I actually missed my stop, going one too far because of his performance.

I stepped off the train and looked back. Over half the train car wore newspaper pirate hats on their heads. Young, old, blue collar, white collar, no collar, and a variety of folks smiled eagerly and for a moment everyone looked the same age. I turned to the surprised faces of people entering that train car. I even saw some avoid the car and run to the next train car door before the doors closed.

The bar that Jessica and her friends frequented happened to be near that train stop. I walked down the steps to the street, head held high, careful not to disturb the pirate hat. People gave me sideways glances as I walked past them feeling like a princess. I stepped onto the sidewalk and pulled my phone out of my bag. My cheeks hurt from smiling.

“Hi mom, something’s come up and I won’t be able to come home this weekend.”

“Why, what about Doug’s . . .”

“Love you, gotta go,” I hung up.

I dialed another number, one that I had memorized probably forever. Mike answered and after a brief catch up, he asked me to dinner. He explained that he had missed me. He wanted to talk things over. “About what?” I asked. About mending our relationship, he replied. I took a deep breath.

“Sorry, I don’t have time for dinner,” I reached my hand to steady my pirate hat. “I was actually calling to see if I could get that I Pod back, the one I gave you for Christmas.”